You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
