so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
