That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
