i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
