i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
false alarm, still single
Randomize
