I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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