TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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