at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
