I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
