I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
