Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
