the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
