You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
