My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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