I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
