You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
