So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
