After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
