my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
