he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
