dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
