maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
