he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
