i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
