Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
