Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
