He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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