Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
