There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
