Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
