I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
