Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I am morally bankrupt
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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