Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
