i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
