how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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