i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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