I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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