Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
