Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She bit a glass in half.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
