There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
