It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
