My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
