You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
