I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
