I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
