I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
