just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
