Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
