I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
