Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
