I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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