I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
