His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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