The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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