I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
