just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
