I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
