She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
