you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
