I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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