I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
